Last day of NaBloPoMo

and I feel crappy. Still.

First off, I am sitting here writing with the worst case of acid reflux I've had in a while. To the point I want to throw up. Pretty much the same feeling I've had all day long...except stronger now. I hate dry heaving. Sometimes, I wish I would just get it out of my system and be done with it. My boss asked tonight (as I talked to her on the phone...I feel way too shitty and tired to go to work today) if the dr's are going to look into what might be wrong. I explained "I'm pregnant! It could go on my whole pregnancy." Ugh. And the tiredness. I feel like all I've done is slept today and I still feel tired. Come on people! I'm 16 weeks along...shouldn't this feeling be gone by now?

Second off, why does every unexpected bill have to happen right before Christmas? The van died. I'm hoping it doesn't need a new fuel pump and it's just the filter. But until I can get it fixed, I'll be getting up at 7, getting dressed taking him to work so I can have the jeep to take Zachary to preschool...then at 4 pm, rushing up there, picking him up and dropping him off at home with the boys so that I can make it back to work by 4:30. And not be late (because I just got "talked to" about my time issues. This sick day dropped me back to next to nothing.)

Then there's Chuck Driver Responsibility Fees. $250 due 12/20/06 or his license gets suspended. Why does he have to pay these? Because he's gotten 3 tickets in the last year for speeding. Niiice.

Then I got nailed for a bill that went to collections for Lucas's circumcision 2 1/2 years ago!! I think I may have seen one bill for that at some point...but what's up with never sending anything else and then oh...right before Christmas say pay it or we're going to litigation. *sigh* Another $250.

Blech. I'm not close to done shopping either. I hope that tomorrow I'll feel better. I'm going to drink a big glass of milk and see if that will stop the acid reflux. Great. Another dry heave.

Frustration

Complete. utter. frustration.

AT everything. I think the hormones are kicking in hard core.

The boys have broken 3 christmas ornaments because they were screwing around with them after repeatedly being told and KNOWING not to. One was Zachary 2003 annual ornament from Grandma and Grandpa. One was one that was made for me when I was a teen. The other was one of my Grandmothers Christmas bulbs that were on her tree that I remember growing up. *sigh* The last one I think I have left, because the other got broken last year (I didn't even put them on the tree last year. Zachary got into the Christmas box and shattered them).

The house is in shambles. I'm trying. I really, really am. I did dishes for about an hour today, maybe more. But I think now after dinner there is more there than before. Okay, so maybe not, but damn near.

People at work don't understand the meaning of Christmas. I'm so sick of everyone thinking that *someone* must have an agenda. Christmas is a time of giving, whether its a needy person within someone's church or a needy person off the street. They are still needy, right?A lot of the people want to do a "White Elephant"...I'm not participating this year. It's not that I don't enjoy a good grab and steal game of White elephant. But, I'd rather spend my $10 to buy a gift for Toys for Tots than to give a gift to someone who could have A) bought it themselves and B) probably have ABSOLUTELY no use for it, and maybe throw it out when they got home. Quite frankly, I don't have any room for useless stuff either. I'm trying to clean out what I have now by donating to Goodwill and charity auctions to try to make room in this house for FIVE of us. I guess in my thinking there are people out there that could use that $10 item or just that $10 donation.

Speaking of work, a co-worker JUST found out tonight that I'm pregnant. I announced it over a month ago at our last staff meeting. Now granted, that person was not present at our staff meeting; however, I send out meeting notes...and the VERY FIRST line was that I was pregnant. Why do I bother typing up and sending out notes? Why do I bother with email or manuals or notes at all? No one reads them!!!! Instead, they ask me 8 billion questions a night.

On the good front, I found the Color Wonder Sprayer!!!!! I actually bought two, one for my friend who's daughter also wanted one. A huge thanks to Amanda and Kathleen for helping me to get one for Zachary. He'll be one happy little boy come Christmas morning!

A little perterbed.

I don't even know if that's how you spell it. But that's what I am!

WHY can't I comment on some people's blogs? Is it because they have Beta and I've been too afraid to change? I get the box for comment verification but all I see is a red x!

So to anybody who I normally read and haven't commented on lately, I'm sorry! I'm still reading but I can't comment and there have been some things I'd really like to comment on too! :)

We have baby movement!

O.M.G! How could I have forgotten to post this?

I laid down today after laying down with the boys for their naps. I was laying in my bed...just maxing and relaxing and I felt the baby kick. STRONG too. It was completely unmistakeable!

I held my breath, laying there, waiting for it to happen again...and alas it didn't. *sigh* Maybe tomorrow. My next dr. appt isn't until December 11 and then I get to schedule the ultrasound!!

I'm starting to get a little excited to find out what we are having. I'm still not 100% sure I want to, but I found the cutest crib quilt that I wanted to make (if it IS a girl) but I decided not to buy it until after I know for sure. But, oh, it was so cute!

Lisa wants....

Once upon a time, I saw this on someones blog or on a forum that I'm on. Go to google. Type in "(your name) wants" and see what comes up...

This is the story of what I want.

Lisa wants....ME (LOL. Considering I'm writing this...that's really kinda conceited isn't it?)
Lisa wants...to work with JJ and Bryan. (um, not really. Not sure who they are)
Lisa wants....to create. (Absolutely. I've found great pleasure in creating things lately).
Lisa wants....to bang Mike. (Shhhh...don't tell Chuck! LOL)
Lisa wants....to practice her Arabic. (Um, no. I do like to practice my ASL though!)

But honestly, I wrote yesterday about Santa. And what Zachary has asked for from Santa. There are a few things I'd like from Santa too. Unfortunately, my Santa doesn't have this much money!

I'd like a new LCD wall mount HDTV. That way we can get rid of the humongous t.v. and t.v. stand in the living room and make more room for toys, baby things and office stuff.

I'd like a new pc. I hate our pc at home. It is slower than slow and some days I have to shut it down and reopen it four times a day.

I'd like some new underwear and socks. I know. This is boring. But I'm seriously getting pregnancy belly and a lot of my undies are uncomfortable now. And somewhere along the way I've lost all but 4 pairs of my socks.

I'd like a maid. Hahahahaha. That'll never happen, but it's nice to dream isn't it?

I'd like all Adam Sandler movies. Preferably starting with Billy Madison.

I'd like some new dishclothes. Stupid thing, right? Why don't I just buy the damn things myself?

I'd like my Christmas to go as stress free as my Thanksgiving did. I'd really like to find everything I'm looking for in the first store on the first day of shopping and for it all to be on sale!

What would you like for Christmas?

Crayola Color Wonder Sprayer

AAAAAHHHHH!

Zachary has asked for four things this holiday season. On Friday night we go to see Santa and he asked for 3 different things: a dollie, a car and a telescope.

But the one thing he's continually asked for is the Crayola Color Wonder Sprayer.

And they are SOLD. OUT!

I'm frantic. I want him to get this from Santa. I've checked all the stores in my local town. SOLD. OUT. I've checked online stores. SOLD. OUT. I may have to be calling in favors from relatives in other towns because I absolutely refuse to pay over retail price on ebay. That's ridiculous!!!

I've never had a year where Zachary has really aksed for something and this is not that expensive so I could get it for him. And he LOVES art. Loves creating...and we always do this together. Bummed. That's what I am.

Really nice Thanksgiving weekend.

We went to my parents and had a huge turkey dinner with a whole table of desserts (as always) and ate way too much (as always). Then spent the night and the boys slept like crap and the next day we went to the Christmas store to buy our yearly country ornament.

Every year, Chuck and I choose a country to research and find out about the customs of that country. Then we take some of those customs and teach them to the boys. Explain that other countries do Christmas time a little differently. We also find a traditional Christmas cookie or dish and make that with the boys. It's a lot of fun...I don't know how much the boys get out of the tradition, but Chuck and I enjoy it. This year we chose Poland as I have some family from Poland and I'd like to learn more about it. So off we trot to the Christmas store to buy the Polish flag and a traditional Polish ornament (we chose the traditional Polish Santa this year...it was made in Poland too!)

Then on to the in-laws. I normally dread this time because it always throws me into anxiety attacks. But my SIL is in the hospital and my MIL worked the entire time so it was just Chuck, I, the boys, my nephew and my FIL and we had a GREAT time. Everything was so relaxed...the boys LOVED playing with their cousin and we had some nice chats with my FIL. We didn't get to have the traditional Thanksgiving meal that we typically have, but it was so nice to have a non-rushed, non-stress weekend. We ended up spending the night and putting up their Christmas trees for them as the annual church Christmas party is at their house next weekend and nothing was decorated. Poor MIL. She's already a nervous wreck!

Kids do say the darndest things!

Part 1:

Last weekend, Zachary was playing in his bedroom. Lucas was in the hallway and I asked (or rather told him, as I already *asked* him) to pick something up in the hallway and put it away.

Zachary looks at me and states:

Momma, don't treat Lucas like your bitch.

O.M.G.!!! I about choked. Then I left the room and called Chuck over, as I laughed hysterically. Where the hell did he learn that?

Part 2:

We were watching Animal Planet last night. It's a great channel and the boys enjoy and learn things from it.

Last night was a rescue show and they were rescuing a cayman. Now if you don't know what a cayman looks like, they basically look like a cross between an alligator and a crocadile, but a big smaller.

Lucas stated: Look! An alligator!!

Chuck: No, that's a cayman.

Lucas: *silence watching the show* Nope, alligator, sorry!

He's so cute!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Well, it's Thanksgiving (technically. I know I haven't been to bed yet so it's not really a new day for me, but it is after midnight). So I'm going to be cliche and discuss those things for which I'm thankful. I mean, afterall, that is what Thanksgiving is all about, isn't it?

1. My husband. I'm thankful for all he does for me, the boys and our family. I'm thankful he washes the dishes. I'm thankful (more now than ever) that he takes out the garbage. I'm thankful that he's the kind of man that tells me "Babe, sit down and take a break for a minute. Let me do that."

2. My boys. Zachary and Lucas. How can you not be thankful for two of God's best miracles ever? I'm thankful they are healthy, happy and well. I'm thankful that they are not the terrors that I've seen some children be and yet I'm thankful that they are not stepford children either. They definitely have their own minds, are independent and strong and for that I'm thankful.

3. My health. My SIL is in the hospital this holiday and it made me sit back and think that as much bitching as I do about feeling sick with this pregnancy, that means it's a healthy pregnancy. That the baby is still inside and growing. I'm thankful that I'm healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family.

4. My baby. See #3 :)

5. My extended family. My mom and dad and brothers would do anything for me. They are there for me no matter what and I'm so very thankful that we have that type of relationship. Even if sometimes they annoy me.

6. Hot tea. I'm freaking freezing right now at work and I'm so thankful to have something warm to wrap my hands around.

7. My job. With the unemployment rate being so high in Michigan, I'm very thankful to have my job. It is well paying with great benefits and I'm lucky to have that.

8. My crockpot. Seriously I love my crockpot. I just finished some roasted pork loin from yesterday that I slow-cooked in the crockpot and it was delish.

9. Internet connection. The internet has given me many good friends through my mom's board, and at such an important time in my life to have those friends. And a few people I can definitely relate to in the blogging world. Even if half of them live half way around the world :)

10. Friends. There have been a few good friends who we've been keeping in contact with a lot lately and those friendships mean so much to me. Most of these people go back a ways with Chuck or/and I and their friendships have seen us through some rough times. I'm thankful they are still willing to stick around.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'll be heading to my mom and dad's for a big Thanksgiving dinner with our whole family. I love family gatherings!

I admit it, I'm a dork.

Okay, first of all...isn't this the absolute cutest kiddo towel ever?

Sooo, maybe I am a little biased, considering I made it!

I have been doing hooded towels using regular bath towels for quite some time now. Well, since my friend gave me some for the birth of Zachary. So that's been almost 5 years ago. And I love them. The boys love them. And they are so simple to make.

I have some friends who have opened a store called Basically Babies. They have all kinds of really, really cool stuff in there including lots of things made by work at home moms (WAHM). Allison had asked if anybody else made anything as they were still looking for some more unique items for the store. That's when I offered up my hooded towels. They asked if I could embellish them and make them more personable and cute...sure, I thought...I just don't know how to do that! So today (in all my spare time between work, sleep, changing the car oil, dropping off and picking up Zachary at preschool) I whipped up a duck towel. For my first attempt, I think I did a bang up job!

And ya know what else? It was FUN. I enjoyed creating something. Having something at the end that I could look at and say "Cool! I like it. I accomplished something!" So, we'll see what the owners of Basically Babies says and maybe make a little store credit to pay for the cloth diapers and nursing supplies I'm sure to be buying from them!

Secondly, have any of you noticed my new countdown ticker on the side there? Yep, over there. Take a look!

It's HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! Release date of 7/13/07.

I love Harry Potter and own all 4 of them so far. The boys love them too. As a matter of fact, one of Zachary's first words was Harry Potter. Kinda sad, isn't it? From what I was reading the release date for the book may be (only speculation here) 7/7/07. So we shall see. *rubbing my hands together in anticipation!*

100th post...and LOTS of whining ahead

So I made it. I finally got to my 100th post and it hasn't even taken me a year. Yippee. Hooray.

However, it's kinda sad isn't it that it took NaBloPoMo in order to get 21 of those posts? I kinda think so. I see via my SiteMeter that a lot of people are stopping by using the randomizer...and yet no one new is leaving messages. Come on people! I need the reinforcement that someone actually finds me interesting in even the absolute slightest way. Comment...please. (Yep, I'm not above begging and groveling apparently).

Especially after today I need that reinforcement. I hope it's not seasonal depression setting in. I really hope my crappy ass mood has more to do with pregnancy hormones than anything else.

This morning, as my feet hit the floor I was running to the bathroom to puke. (Oh wait. Did I mention my feet hit the floor at the ungodly hour of 7:15 am? Working nights sucks sometimes.) But I didn't puke. At all. I just dry heaved for 3 hours. Now, that is a barrell full of monkeys let me tell you!

Lucas is in that stage when he won't listen to you EVA and so we were late to get Zachary to school.

Then Lucas and I go to Walmart. Where they have NOTHING I want. *sigh* No orange towels. No orange fabric. (I'm trying to make a duck hooded towel for my SIL). No cute boy fabrics. No freaking cinnamon rolls! AND to top it all off? Ben and Jerry's has apparently discontinued the Mint Chocolate Cookie and replaced it with Mint Chocolate Chunk. Blech. Chuck says it's because no one else eats Mint Chocolate Cookie. They only sell 10 pints of it a year and it's all to me. On the way out of Walmart, Lucas decides he's going to be hilarious and call the cashier a doodoo head. Yea, his new favorite word.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Sit down to start sewing up the towels. The needle on the sewing machine breaks. I don't have another. I really, really wanted to cry at that point. Lucas was still running around like a banshee wanting me to play "lightsasers" with him and be Darth Vader. I just didn't have the energy.

That's just before 11:30.

But naptime was good. I felt good..except I woke up with heartburn. And had to come to work where I got attitude from 60 year old women. It's really quite ridiculous how they behave sometimes. Afterall, throwing a basket because you don't like the job you've been assigned to is a little much, isn't it?

Tomorrow has GOT to be a better day right?

Heroes

Have you ever thought about your heroes? Have you ever thought about how they shape who you are?

Have you noticed that your heroes change over time? And then when you have kids, you pull those heroes out and re-evaluate them yet again? I've mentioned that my friend Matt has a blog called the Hero Workshop. My husband reads that blog almost daily and really comments on it. If there is one thing I find heroic about my husband, I would say his loyalty to friends and his ability to sit back and reflect on his inner self to make the world better for those friends and family around him.

Chuck wrote this as a comment on Matt's blog and I asked if I can repost it because it was so meaningful to me.

When I look back on my life and examine the catalogue of heroes contained within I find a long and diverse group. There are marked changes and periods, ranging from fantasy to cool to idealistic to pragmatic. Some of the heroes of my childhood I would not consider heroes today. Does that mean that they are not important though? Do heroes like Speed Racer, Underdog, Joe Friday and Thomas Magnum have role to play?

As we get older we get more pragmatic, I think our heroes do too. It becomes less important on how “cool” a hero is and more important on what that hero has done with their life. It becomes easy for us to forget the importance of the heroes of our youth. It becomes easy to discount sport heroes because we forget the magic that comes with that great hit or shot. We focus only on the off court behavior and not at all on the on court glory.

Every once in while an event comes along that reminds of the simple magic of childhood heroes, the kind of heroes that you believe in just because if “feels” good. The no rationality, no logic, it just “feels” right. A few weeks ago I was watch the most recent version of Peter Pan with my boys whom are two and four. We got to the part where Tinker Bell drinks poison meant for Peter and dies. Peter picks her up and starts crying. We were all very quite in my living room as winter began to sweep across Neverland. We watch intently as Peter laid Tinker Bell down in the snow and began to softly whisper “I believe in fairies.” He started repeating it over and over, soon his voice grew louder and others across Neverland took up the chant. Wendy, her brothers, the lost boys, the pirates everyone start shouting at the top of their lungs “I believe in fairies.” That’s when the magic happened, we were chanting as well. Softly at first, then louder and before you could guess what was happening my boys and I were running around the room screaming out the windows and front door “I believe in fairies.”

Needless to say Tinker Bell comes back to life, Peter rescues Wendy and the lost boy and Captain Hook is defeated. Also a childhood hero is born in my boys. There was no logic or reason for them, no discussion of ethics or morality, it was simply “right”. Something that you believe in for the sake of believing in it, I am reminded of something that was said by the character Hub in the movie “Second Hand Lions”:
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love… true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.”

Good advice I think.

So I was reminded of the power of our childhood heroes. They may not stay with us but they are important in forging our character in ways that are deeply profound. I think that from time to time we need to revisit those childhood heroes and replenish our supply of magic. It is that simple child like magic that keeps us on the right path.

I’m thirty eight years old. I have a wife and two children with another on the way all of whom I love. I have a house and a car payment. I work in a dull job, but I can tell you this with out shame or embarrassment in absolute honesty:
“I believe in fairies.”
cdl

I love my husband. And couldn't agree with him more.

Secret Santa

I was watching the news this morning and saw a bit on the "Secret Santa" I'd never heard this story before but found it so uplifting and heroic. And so much in the spirit of the holiday season...or at least what the holiday season SHOULD be.

Larry Stewart started giving away money in 1979 after being FIRED from his job, just the week before Christmas. He gave $20 to a car hop at the local drive-in resturant and he saw her lip tremble and he knew how much it meant to her, considering she was wearing a very thin coat during the middle of a MO winter. After that, he went and took out $200 and started finding other people who could use the money. All this after being fired from his job.

Since that day he's been hitting the streets handing out thousands of dollars every year. Oh yea, because at some point in there he started his own telecommunications business and became a multi-millionaire. But, he started when he had next to nothing. And was giving what he did have to others who in more need than he was. That to me is heroic. And something for others to remember and strive towards.

Comment Moderation

I've temporarily turned on comment moderation, because I'm spending too much time deleting spam comments. Now I'll be spending too much time approving and rejecting comments. Let's just see how it goes, okay?

Repeating from the About Me, My Blog post, The Comments Policy:
Comments are expected to be civil. They are also expect not to be spam. If you post a glowing comment about how awesome my blog is, but link to your internet drug site or other venture, it will be deleted. All comments are subject to deletion at my discretion. I don't delete them just because I personally find the argument offensive, but may for any other reason.

People, please don't leave me comments for your website selling vicodin. I'm so over it.

In The News

I apologize for the long post and link dump; just trying to catch up with what has happened while I've been away and clear out the feed aggregator.

FDA to allow silicone breast implants:
NYTimes - FDA will allow breast implants made of silicone
FDA - FDA approves silicone gel-filled breast implants after in-depth evaluation: Agency requiring 10 years of patient follow-up

More FDA: FDA Expands Use of Herceptin for Early Stage Breast Cancer After Primary Therapy

Washington Post: Bush choice for family planning post criticized
"The Bush administration has appointed a new chief of family-planning programs at the Department of Health and Human Services who worked at a Christian pregnancy-counseling organization that regards the distribution of contraceptives as 'demeaning to women.' Eric Keroack, medical director for A Woman's Concern, a nonprofit group based in Dorchester, Mass., will become deputy assistant secretary for population affairs in the next two weeks, department spokeswoman Christina Pearson said yesterday."

Kaiser Network piece
RHReality Check
A profile of Keroack from Talk2Action.
Keroack is part of the Medical Council for Leslee Unruh's Abstinence Clearinghouse, "which is comprised of health professionals around the world who believe in abstinence until marriage and do not counsel, prescribe, or distribute condoms or contraceptives to youth."

Keroack quote: "Abstinence education is the first mechanism that has actually made a positive impact on the devastation caused by the errant sexual education programs of the 1970s and 1980s," said Dr. Eric Keroack, an obstetrician-gynecologist from Boston. "Why would we stop it?" - 12/11/04 Washington Times

Keroack did an (unpublished) study to see if showing women ultrasounds could reduce their incidence of choosing abortion.
"Keroack, who says that he performed 30 to 35 abortions himself during his medical residency at Tufts University and early days as an OB-GYN, is up-front about his study’s chief flaw—it couldn’t follow the 35 percent of clients who didn’t respond. One Washington, D.C.–area ultrasonographer, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said he doubted that 63 percent of women would choose life after seeing the sonogram. He agreed that sonograms persuade women to remain pregnant but estimated that figure was between 20 to 33 percent. Nevertheless, even those figures represent a major step for the pro-life cause."

Keroack also tries to make the argument that sex with more than 1 partner will prevent women from bonding with their husbands - "People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual." Keep in mind that none of his "studies" have been subjected to the traditional peer review process.

Meanwhile, the GAO reports that abstinence only programs have not been appropriately reviewed for scientific accuracy.
GAO - Abstinence Education: Efforts to Assess the Accuracy and Effectiveness of Federally Funded Programs, GAO-07-87

House Approves Gynecologic Cancers Prevention Bill that "would authorize $16.5 million over two years to create prevention education materials for gynecologic cancers." The bill [HR 1245] will now be considered by the Senate.

Only "40% of U.S. Women Ages 18 to 75 Know About HPV" according to a National Cancer Institute survey, and less than half of those who have heard of HPV know about its connection to cervical cancer.

Our Bodies, Our Blog: Red meat and breast cancer?

Kaiser Network: Gynecologists Inform Fewer Than Half of Women With Uterine Fibroid Tumors of Alternatives to Hysterectomy, Survey Says

Planned Parenthood has a podcast on the recent Supreme Court abortion hearings. Well-Timed Period has a detailed response to the hearings.

Woman kicked off plane for breastfeeding. Oh, hell no. It was a Delta flight, operated by Freedom Airlines (a Delta Connection provider). Register your complaints to Delta using the link here (generic email form), or contact corporate headquarters for Delta:
Telephone
404-715-2600
Mail
Delta Air Lines, Inc.
P.O. Box 20706
Atlanta, Georgia 30320-6001

Medgadget: Researchers look for breast cancer vaccine.

Big Thanks to the Librarians

Following the AMIA conference in DC, we went on a whirlwind tour of area libraries, where we were provided with tours, lunches, information, and time by many a medical librarian. Thanks to everyone at the following for hosting us, and especially to those of you who so graciously took time out of your busy days to share your brainpower with us:

University of Maryland at Baltimore, Health Sciences and Human Services Library
Johns Hopkins, Welch Medical Library
Howard University,Louis Stokes Health Sciences Library
National Library of Medicine
National Institutes of Health, NIH Library

When I get a chance, I'll update with links to some of the interesting things these folks have been doing, and the resources they've created for their populations that will be useful in my own work.

Free Health Services from Planned Parenthood of Middle and East TN

Planned Parenthood of Middle and East Tennessee is offering free health services during the month of December. See the schedule below.

From an email:
Subject: Does Free Sound Good to You?

Health Week

The Spirit of giving has arrived in Tennessee!

It’s that time of year for good friends, good cheer, and great gifts; but nothing is worth more than your good health - Planned Parenthood of Middle and East Tennessee understands that.

This year, during the month of December, PPMET is helping give you the gift of good health by offering FREE reproductive health screenings and services!

Yes, you read it correctly: FREE! So, no more pondering, putting off or procrastinating! NOW is the time to come to Planned Parenthood. Knowledge is power, but free power is even better!

The schedule of FREE services at our clinic at 412 Dr. D.B. Todd, Jr. Blvd. (near Charlotte Ave and 18th) is as follows:

Friday, December 1st, 9:00 am – 2:00 pm
Free & Confidential HIV Tests
In commemoration of World AIDS Day, PPMET will be providing free HIV tests.
Remember, there is no cure for HIV/AIDS, so know yourself and know your partner.
Educate yourself, your family and friends about HIV prevention and stay safe!

Saturday, December 2nd, 9:00 am – 3:30 pm
Free Cervical Cancer Screening (Pap Smear)
Cervical cancer is common among women and is one of the easiest cancers to find and treat - in its earliest stages. A yearly Pap smear is your key to early detection!

Wednesday, December 6th, 9:00 am – 3:00 pm
Free Emergency Contraception!
Accidents happen - condoms break, you have sex without planning to....whatever the reason - EC is your friend in a crisis - that's why it's called Emergency Contraception! It's the most effective way to potentially prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex - and on Dec. 6th - it's FREE!

Call 615.321.7216 to make your appointment or walk-in!

If you have the resources and would like to throw some financial support PPMET's way to help support this kind of free community service, click the "Donate Online" button in the lower left of this page. To specify a PPMET clinic instead of the whole organization, choose the "Local" button on the donation page.

Alone Time

In regards to spending the past 7 days surrounded by (very smart) people at least 12 hours per day, it seems appropriate to revisit "Caring For Your Introvert."

Lactivism

Now, I should start out by saying I'm not technically a boob nazi. I breastfed both my boys and will breastfeed this child because I know it's the absolute best thing for my kids to have. But I don't enjoy breastfeeding. Not that it hurts, or anything like that, but more because my ass is planted in the same spot for 45 minutes every 2 hours. Plus, I can't produce enough to feed them totally on breastmilk, so I kinda feel like a failure at that too. But, I give them some and I'm happy I can do that!

However, whenever I hear about a mom being removed or asked to leave from a public place for breastfeeding, my hackles go up. It's not like the kids are 12 and breastfeeding. They are babies!

What am I talking about? A mom being removed from an AIRPLANE after discreetly breastfeeding her 22 month old. She refused to be covered up, but honestly the ONLY person that could have seen her was the stewardess. And if you don't like it get over it!

Now I've heard all the crap about how it's a sexual thing and people don't want their children to see boobies because it's SEX. Bullshit! Breasts were made for feeding our children. Society has made them sexual. And if anybody would teach their children to not sexualize women, we wouldn't have this issue anyway. I have absolutely no problem with my boys seeing a baby being breastfed. I have several friends still breastfeeding and they all know I'm perfectly okay with them doing it in the boys prescence.

One of my other issues with my breastfeeding experience was how I felt the need to be removed from situations because I was breastfeeding...I had to go and hide and miss out on family time, etc. I hated that. So after a few months, I stopped. If you don't like to see my FEED your GRANDCHILD then you can leave.

Nobody bats an eye at a baby being fed from a bottle. This shouldn't be any different.

Binkies

Of course, being a mom there is always a ton of controversy surrounding the pacifier, binky, pacy, plug, etc, etc, etc.

I don't have a problem with them...except when they are used to shut the child up. Or if it's a case of a 5 year old using one at kindy.

I was a finger sucker and I always felt that it would have been easier to break the binky than the finger...so I wasn't too concerned when Zachary wanted his binky.

He actually didn't use one till he was about 10 months old and teething. It started as a teething toy for him and ended up being a soother.

But this isn't about how he started using it...but more how he stopped.

On June 16, 2005, about a month after Zachary's 3rd birthday, we got home late (like 8:45) so I stopped by McD's and got the boys some chicken nuggets. Zachary wanted to eat them outside...so we were sitting outside and I was like "oh I got something to tell you! Remember that party that we went to for Cousin Becky? and she was going to have a baby?"

He said "did the baby come?"

I said yes he did and his name is Cameron.

(now I should tell you've I've talked to Zachary about the binky fairy before this)

Zachary said "can the binky fairy come tonight and take my binkies to the new baby Cameron?"

I was shocked but said "Yes of course you can do that for baby Cameron!"

So we collected our binkies and called daddy to tell him what we were going to do (and I had to tell daddy to pick up a couple of "big boy toys" from the binky fairy) and then I got Ollie (Zachary's elephant that he's had since birth. It went everywhere with him).

Zachary said no, I don't want Ollie anymore (I almost started crying at that point!) He said give "Ollie to the baby Cameron too."

I said "no, we can keep Ollie" (even I have to keep him in my drawer somewhere...I won't get rid of Ollie)

So we put the binkies under the pillow in a baggie and we went to bed!!!!!!!! It took him almost 1 1/2 hours to go to sleep but he didn't try to get into his binkies...although he did take them out to look at them...and he didn't cry for them or anything!!! And it was all his idea! Chuck was like this is all so sudden I don't know how I feel about this...he was all choked up too...as was I ...it's like our baby isn't a baby anymore as of that night!

And after that he had found 2 or 3 binkies throughout the house and brought them to us for Baby Cameron. I would stick them in the cupboard and I think we just threw out the last one a month or so ago :)

So...I guess my point is...when they are ready to rid of them, they will.

The value of the dollar

Zachary has a blue piggy bank. He loves to find money and put it in there and usually weasles money from his grandparents when he sees them too. I'm not talking DOLLARS or anything but more likes penneys, nickels and dimes. He thinks its so cool that he has money like mom and dad does. He also has a little money pouch that he keeps his money in...right now he's got over $5 in it. Zachary is learning the value of the dollar and I'm not afraid to tell him that he can't have something because we don't have the money for it...so he knows everything costs money.

So, a couple of months ago we went to Home Depot. He had to use the bathroom and so did I. Of course, the bathroom is at the BACK of the store so we had to walk through the housewares and appliances departments. I wanted to look at washing machines just to get an idea of price considering that I think ours is on the very last leg of life.

Zachary spotted the Kenmore Large Capacity front load washing machine. In bright cherry red. (unlike ANYTHING in our home). :)

Z: Momma, I like this one.

M: Yea, I do too. It's really cool isn't it?

Z: Yea. When I get bigger and get lots of money, I'm going to bring my piggy bank in here...because I'll have really really strong muscles...and I'm going to give them all my money and buy this washing machine. Then I'll take it home and I'll carry it in the house and I'll say: momma, I bought this for you! Where do you want me to put it?

M: *tear* Zachary, that would be very nice if you did that. Very nice indeed.

Nothing says I love my momma like a large capacity Kenmore in bright red. And honest to God, he's mentioned it more than once since that day.

Giving a shout out!

Okay, so I decided I was going to go for the goal and try to write a post a day in accordance with the rules for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). So far it's really made me think and I think I'm having fun posting every day about things on my mind.

This campaign has caused other individuals to go about rating the blogs participating in the campaign. (CUSS) & Other Rants happened to have read all the "I" blogs and rated them and gave out awards. I actually recieved "All-Around Thoughtful Award" from this blog.

I'm so honored! I just started this blog as a way to get my rants out of my head so I could focus on more constructive things, but have found a way to reflect on my goals and focuses in life with the kids...well, at least most days :)

There is also a NaBloPoMo randomizer in which you can randomly view and read all the participants within the campaign. Happy Reading!

13 week appointment

I had my midwife appointment yesterday and Lucas went with me to see Sameerah. I was soo excited because I knew we'd be able to hear the heartbeat finally!

Well, as normal, we went over all the other stuff first...

*How are you eating? Are you still nauseas? Not much at all. Yep, a lot of the time but Preggie Pops are my best friend lately.

*What things settle your stomach? Depends on the day. Some days I can't stand the smell of chicken and other days it's super yummy!

*Do you have any questions? Sure! Is it still okay to sleep on my stomach? (It is!!) What meds can I take, if I need to, for seasonal depression? (she gave me a list and said if the dr. recommends something different to call her and she'll check them out for me).

Then we got down to the good stuff. We pulled the chair right up next to the "bed" so Lucas would be close and be able to hear the doppler. And nothing. Nothing.

So, Sameerah said, "well, I guess we'll have to do a quick ultrasound. Nothing official you understand!"

I was still excited! I'd be able to see our baby!! But at the same time, I was a little hesistant for two reasons. #1. I had promised Zachary he could see the baby on the t.v. too and I told him that wouldn't happen that day! #2. Why can't we find a heartbeat? What's wrong?

In rolls the machine and Lucas hops back up on the chair to watch the baby t.v. Sameerah found the baby right away and he instantly started jumping. And I mean JUMPING! And then she found the little heartbeat. She figures it was right around 140 beats per minute. *big sigh of relief* Sameerah said that the baby was VERY active and probably why we couldn't find the heartbeat. I wonder if it's not because I'm carrying extra belly weight.

Lucas sat so still and intently watched everything but honestly I don't think he knew what to make of the whole thing because what was on the screen didn't LOOK like a baby.

I told Zachary what had happened when we picked him up from preschool. He was having a fit that he had to leave and had told me for the umpteenth time this month that I'm mean and not fair at all and I couldn't see his papers. He was "going to go home and throw them right in the trash!!"

Then I brought up the baby. He was predictably bummed that he didn't get to see the baby. Our conversation:

Z: But you told me that I could see the baby too!!!
Me: But Zachary, I didn't know we would be able to see the baby today. And besides you didn't really miss anything. You know what the baby looked like?
Z: No, what?
Me: A chicken nugget!
Z: *hysterical laughing* Aw, Mama, you are so funny! I'm gonna let you see my papers because you made me laugh!

He's a great kid. And his love for his baby brother or sister shines right through already.

Yet another dream...

Saturday night I had a dream about the pregnancy again...

This time it wasn't "bad" per se...

But I dreamt that we had our ultrasound and the results were BOY.

Although I have to admit that I am getting very strong girl vibes, although I'm not sure if that's wishful thinking or not. I guess we'll see in January.

Off Topic: The AMIA Report

From the AMIA conference, in the liveblogging style, but really posted after the fact. I'll add links to resources and people later.

Note: It has been an extraordinarily busy week. Updates, more details on the sessions, and links to resources will come later.

Tuesday:
-Panel Session: Emergency Response Information Technology.
-State of the Association Meeting, with box lunch.
-Presentation Sessions: Optimizing the Clinical Experience; Evaluating the Use of Clinical Systems

Monday:
-Would anybody think it was exceptionally weird if I took my pear to the bathroom to wash it?
-Semi-Plenary Session: James J Morgan, MD of Partners HealthCare, "Framework for a High Performance Health System for the United States." We need changes to daily workflow, culture, and organization in order to improve healthcare. More later - there's a line for computers (but it's a T1 line...).
-Panel Session: Biosurveillance Systems and Situational Awareness in Public Health: How Far Should We Go to Protect the Public from Bioterrorism?"
-Lunch in Chinatown at Tony Cheng's. I'm really good with chopsticks and noodles.
-Afternoon - Smithsonian, Museum of Natural History.
-Evening - Quesadillas and beer special in the hotel bar.

Sunday:
-Breakfast at the hotel. Was wrong when I said "never again" - no time to go somewhere else. I accidentally ate apspartame. Cue stomach cramps, headache, and general out of it feeling.
-Another 3.5 hour tutorial, this time early in the morning. "Design and Conduct of Evaluation Studies in Biomedical Informatics," Charles Friedman of the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute and Jeremy Wyatt of the University of Dundee. Again, very practical and useful. Good discussion and group work. Things to consider in study type and design.
-Lunch: Polo India Club. Indian buffet. Yum.
-Plenary Session: Robert Brook of RAND. Both inspiring and terrifying. Some notes from his talk, on improving healthcare:

Need e-prescribing systems that detect prescription drug underuse and informs providers

Pay providers for transparency rather than performance. Blacklist those who provide misleading data

Hospital CEOs should be able to press a button to let them know how many people he hospital killed in the previous 24 hours

Make sure patients get the procedures they need, and don't get the procedures they don't need

Make real-time quality data available to patients for informed decision-making

Incentivize patients to use safer hospitals
Incentivize hospitals to use electronic medical record systems that provide real-time quality data

On coronary angiograms in New York State, re-read elsewhere: 48% exhibited at least one technical inadequacy; only 1/3 of those who got coronary artery bypass for left main disease actually had the disease; 1/3 of those with the disease were not diagnosed; 1/3 read correctly.

Using ~500 measures of quality at ~12 sites in the U.S., 50% of things patients needed when they went to the doctor actually happened. About 30% in geriatric patients.

This was a great session, and a challenge to everyone to agitate for better measures of and available information on healthcare provider and institution quality.
-Dinner: Sandwiches at Cosi. Martinis and shrimp cocktail at Annie's with a former colleague who is now at NCBI. It turns out that he can get his hands on the content when JMLA issues are being uploaded to PubMed Central - now I know who to harrass about it. :)

Saturday:
-Walked from the Hilton Washington to see: Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Reflection Pool, WWII Memorial, White House, Vietnam Memorial. Nice to be there on Veterans' Day. Saw the outside of a World Health Organization building, National Academy of Sciences, Institute of Medicine, and Dept of State. White House is underwhelming.
-Lunch at the hotel. Tuna salad sandwich, side salad and drink for 3 cost $40. Never again.
-Tutorial: "The eXtensible Markup Language (XML)", Gretchen Purcell of Vanderbilt. 3.5 hours. Very practical and useful. I think I can do this now.
-Dinner: Anna Maria's. Italian. Good. I think I ate a bit of a shimp tail.

Friday:
-Flew Delta from Nashville to Cincinnati. We were supposed to stay on the same plane, but had to switch at Cinci. The gates are not labelled well.
-Got to the hotel. Sharing a room with two colleagues. Room has two tiny beds. Called for roll-away; checked at desk 1/2 hour later when it hadn't arrived. DC fire code doesn't allow 3 beds in a room. Hotel is sold out. I'm sleeping on the floor.

What's better than Toby Keith tickets?

FREE, yes FREE Toby Keith Tickets.

FREE babysitting!!

And a freaking rocking show!

A couple of weeks ago, someone from my mom's group had 2 extra tickets that her husband had gotten from work. She desperately wanted someone to use them so was giving them to two lucky people.

I really like Toby Keith. Especially his Americanism in his songs. So Chuck agreed to go with me, although he's not a huge country fan, be he too think Toby is a patriot.

I called my brother and he said he could watch the kids for the night and Chuck and I went out to the concert, which was in our local area too!

So the whole evening cost us about $16 for parking and Jimmy Johns subs after the show.

It was back at my old Alma Mater and I have to admit I always feel a little nostalgic going back onto campus. Remembering the carefree times. The times of no-responsibility, no bills except my bar bill. *sigh*

Chuck and I discussed that a little becasue while I was MORE than ready to get out of the town when I graduated in 1999, he was just starting his college stint since he'd never gone before and felt that he missed out on that part of his life...that I lived to the fullest. But, I was sooo sick of the parties and loud shit going on when I had to be up at 6 am to go to work and be a responsible adult in the world. And maybe I was just a little resentful that I couldn't be having the fun anymore (or felt I couldn't anyway).

But, that chapter of my life is over now...and when I got back to my brothers and had to carry the sleeping boys out to the car, it was just as nostalgic to have them snuggle their heads into my neck.

But the show ROCKED!

Nonviolence Training

So, today I went to an 8 hour seminar on non-violence and the Michigan Peace Team. I really found it very interesting if not exactly what I was looking for.

I went hoping that I would be able to learn something on how to keep your anger in check during conflict and when people oppose you so I could be a more effective mother and lead worker. However, we didn't really hit on those issues.

But I did gain a lot of information about how to diffuse conflict between two other people. Such as diverting their attention from one another by talking about something completely off topic, introducing yourself and bringing the attention, whether good or bad, onto yourself. The group was looking for recruits to go out on the streets druing protests and such to keep a non-violent presence. I found the whole thing very intriquing. But I passed on hitting the pavement myself.

My #1 reason? My kids. What would happen if I was injured or killed in the field? That's why I didn't marry a fireman or a cop. I have great honor for those people in those fields. My brother was a cop and my aunt and uncle are firefighters...but it's not the route I choose for me or my children.

I did, however, find one of the facilitaotors extremely interesting to listen to. He was a lifer in the military, for 27 years. After retiring, he devoted himself to nonviolence because of what he saw and was forced to do in the military. While I didn't agree with absolutely everything he said, I did find him so intelligent and engaging to listen to.

Maybe God had other reasons for me to be ther today (it was at my church). I did meet two women who I think can help me with my quest for calmness and anger management. One is another mom who also has anger issues and is part of the M.O.M.S. group at our church and the other is a social worker. I don't want the kids to feel the pain of anger like I do. And if they see it from me, they could have the same issues. So April is going to send me tons of information on anger management. Yay!

I had some time to reflect on the day on my drive home. And when I pulled into the driveway I was met with screams....yes, SCREAMS of the boys who were so excited to see their momma.

And I reminded myself....this is why I love being a mom so much.

Ever have one of those moments?

Where you are looking at your kids and wondering

"Where the hell did MY kids go?"

My boys are um, active. That's how several babysitters, daycares, and grandparents have expressed their opinion of them. I say boys, but really it's more Zachary. He's VERY active.

We've taken him to a psychologist who believes he is very unique. Well, duh, I could have told you that! But, the psychologist also told me that he wants to have Zachary tested for several different disorders and have his IQ tested because he feels it may be very, very high. Now, that is wonderful. I'm quite aware that he is of more than average intelligence. But add to that the fact that he is so incredibly hyper and that typically loud restuarants or crowds send him into a bit of a tailspin, behavior wise, and it makes it very hard to taken him many places and get good behavior.

And Lucas. Well, he's 2. So he's completely unpredicatable anyways.

So, imagine my surprise tonight at dinner. We went to BD's Mongolian Barbeque. I had a craving for some Mongolian. Don't ask me why, but it was a strong craving.

I suggested the idea to Chuck, where it was met with a less than enthusiastic "um, sure, whatever". He doesn't much like taking the boys to restuarants. But, while Chuck was in the shower to go, Zachary and Lucas and I had a heart to heart about their behavior and what I expect from them at the resturant. And also what to expect of the place.

Maybe that's what made the difference tonight. Zachary is such a routine oriented child that maybe the unknown is another thing that is so scary. I don't know. We are just feeling our way along with him. But needless to say during the meal, I complimented the boys MANY times on their behavior and how well behaved they were being. At the end of the meal (which was fantastically good!) I was astonished that we didn't have one meltdown, trying to sit with another table, trying to run away (well, except Lucas...he wanted to go with Daddy a couple of times but he wasn't trying to get away from us), no screaming, throwing things, playing with their food, nothing.

I asked Chuck...just where the hell did my kids go? On the way home, they proved they were still mine :)

Light Posting for Next Week

I'll be at a conference. It's the American Medical Informatics Association conference, which basically translates to "computer geeks in medicine," so I imagine there will be computers available. Unfortunately, the Not Inexpensive Hotel doesn't offer free wireless. They do offer a "modem" in the rooms. Hoo! A modem! Happy 1994!

Anyway, posts may be few and far between.

Sexual Incompatability

I'm gonna go a little off topic this time around. I typically don't write about sex. Although its a HUGE part of my life. I love sex.

I guess I try to tame it down a little bit now that I'm a mom. You know there are those people that you see who are exactly as they look. I'm not one of them. I'm a bundle of inconsistencies. Whether you are talking about my politics, religion, or sex.

For example...my good friend Matt said I should write about how I got the nickname "Bill". A camper had started calling me "hey you". I said "come on now, you know my name!" And Alex, ever the smart ass, shouted out "BillyBob!" True nuff, I was pretty much a redneck. Right down to my Justin lacers and from the words spilling out of my mouth, like "ya'll" you probably wouldn't think any different. Well, BillyBob got shortened to Billy which got shortened to Bill. And it stuck. For the last 9 years. A lot of campers and camp staff only know me as Bill. But Matt and Jason are the two who still regularly call me that. And Jason calls me William when he's pissed.

So....what's this have to do with sex? When I started dating Chuck, Matt desperately tried to talk me out of it. Because I was a mid-western, good girl who was as pure as a white lily. Little did he know that while I was still a virgin, I wasn't in my mind. But I'm very, very good at hiding things. So, when Chuck and I became VERY intimate our friends were a little shocked about how bold and well, freakish, I was considering where I came from.

A lot of talk within my mom's group lately has been about sex. About how they don't want it and their hubby does, or vica versa. Or just lately how the wifey wants it good and hard and rough and the hubby is freaked out by that.

According to many surveys, sex is the number 2 thing that couples fight about. Right after money. So don't you think that you'd want to be sure that you are sexually compatible BEFORE taking the plunge? In my book, sex is a huge thing in any relationship. I mean without that there isn't the intimacy, the connectedness, the kids ;)...so why not just live with your brother? (Okay, I'm not that redneck folks!!)

Now, I'm not saying that every couple needs to be freaky and rough. But, just be compatible to each other. Without that, there is such a likelyhood of infidelity and adultry. Beyond that though, if Chuck was a freak and I wasn't....I would be sooo insecure of what he really wanted and who he would go searching of to find it. Insecure that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him in every way within our relationship, because satisfaction of the body is as important as satisfaction of the brain.

I just thank God that Chuck and I are sexually compatible. And we love sex. Together.

I Need to be Dipped in Bleach Now...

...just from seeing this video of a "Purity Ball." Now, it's not as though I think kids should be going out and having a ton of sex (although they will), especially if you're not going to teach them about preventing pregnancy or disease. The seeming focus just on girls seems questionable. Making your little girl think that her body is not hers, but rather a "gift" to be passed from father to husband is icky and demeaning. There is something really disturbing about sitting around a cheap hotel conference room while your daddy talks about your vagina.

(found via Feministing)

Random Thoughts

Zachary is the most frustrating kid one minute and the most loveable, sweetest, thoughtful child the next.

Lucas cracks me up. The expressions he uses are freaking hilarious.

Our kid's cd that we are currently listening to in the jeep HAS to be from Canada. Thanksgiving comes before Halloween in one of the songs. I've heard this song a billion times but it took Zachary to figure out that the song was *wrong*. He was not happy because we "haven't had Thanksgiving yet!"

There is only 46 days till Christmas. I say only, but really that's a LONG time away to already be playing Christmas music. Ugh.

I wish the morning sickness and bloating/pain in my stomach would go away.

For work to have the steam shutdown yesterday and for the next 4 days, it's freaking roasting in here. My hands are so swollen it's going to take me days to get this swelling down.

Sex that leaves marks is oh, soooo, good. Thanks sweetie.

Pregnant sex is really the best.

I'm sooo ecstatic that Zachary seems to like and be EXCITED about his new preschool. I guess I should blog about that tomorrow.

Chuck made homemade turkey stew for dinner and then he and the boys brought me some at work. It's so yummy. I'm such a lucky mommy and wife.

I'm bummed that our state seems to be going democratic. *sigh* And come on, seriously, not shooting morning doves and losing the extra revenue is freaking ridiculous.

On the end of politics, I'm kinda sick about all the talk about the rights of every other worker EXCEPT state workers. Why the hell should I have to pay for pensions of others, when I don't even have a pension?

My house is messy. I tried to clean up today before naps, but it seems a never ending battle. My frustration with *that* should be a whole post in itself.

And one last thing. I miss working "just" production. I've enjoyed doing WORK tonight and feeling like I accomplished something rather than answering a billion and one questions, putting out fires, updating databases and inputting production and all the other things I do as a lead worker. *sigh* And I don't even get paid that much more.

Gonzales v Planned Parenthood Argument Transcript Available

Here's the transcript [PDF] for Gonzales v Planned Parenthood [05-1382].

Arguments Up From Gonzales v Carhart

The transcript of oral arguments from Gonzales v Carhart [05-380] on "partial birth abortion" argued today are now available [PDF].

Background

Post-Election Roundup

Maybe more later.

Feministing: Pro-Choice Victories

Our Bodies, Our Blog: Election 2006: Abortion Ban Defeated; Props Too Close to Call; Pelosi, First Female Speaker

NYTimes: South Dakotans Reject Sweeping Abortion Ban

And, via Kevin, MD: A woman goes in for contraception, comes out with advice to get an exorcism

Click

I love Adam Sandler.

I always have...since my first time watching him in Billy Madison my freshman year of college. Ah, the memories.

And his new movie, while not really in his typical style, was still, in my mind, a great movie.

I've been doing (or trying to do) some re-examining of my life lately. Call it pregnancy hormones, I guess.

And this movie seriously made you look at life and think "WTH am I doing?"

About 3/4 of the way through it I started crying...and didn't stop till the end. Now, I cry at a lot of stuff. But not usually that much or that long. I actually turned to Chuck at one point and said "Okay, seriously this is really, really depressing!" He agreed. But true to good movie form, things turned around.

I had another post all worked out in my mind for today. But I honestly forgot what that post was even about now. All I can think about is Click. I guess the moral that I came away with is don't take even one second for granted. Not the fights, not the flu, nothing. Because it all makes you who you are and who your family is.

If you haven't seen it, watch it.

I &hearts Election Day

It's election day
It's election day
It's raining outside
But you have to vote to today
Oh, why did he have to run
anyway?

Go Vote.

Technorati Tags: election; songs; Voting

And on the topic of happiness..

I received this email from a friend today. It hit me on the head like a rock. I thought "Wow. This couldn't have come at a more perfect time" And true to form, I'm blogging it so that I can look back when I actually have time to scrapbook and incorporate this into it somehow.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for
the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll
focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.

To be a kid again...

Do you remember what it was like to, on a crisp fall day, run and play in the leaves?
Intead of thinking "OMG, when the hell am I going to have time to rake all those leaves?"











Do you remember the awe that you felt when going to the fair or festival and seeing those huge tractors and just itching to ride one?

Instead of looking at it like a hunk of metal used to get the work done?










Do you remember the excitement of the first snowfall of the year? Running outside to make that first snowball, that first snowman?
Instead of looking at it snowing in October and thinking "WTH?!?! Seriously, I don't have my leaves raked, the fertilizer down, the trailer put away" and on and on and on?














That's one of the greatest things about having kids. Seeing all those first and awe-inspiring moments again through their eyes. But truth is, I don't take enough time on a daily basis to really enjoy those moments. Or take the time to play with them in the leaves, or in the snow. "I'm busy right now" seems to be heard more than "the laundry can wait". And that's sad. Because I want to build those memories and traditions with the boys and our next child. I've been reading the The Happiness Project and finding quite some inspiration in it. I need to focus on my happiness in order for my family to be happy too. So, while I'm not going to intentionally step on someone's toes, I'm also not going to worry about other's opinions. I control my own mood. I choose my temperment. I choose to make memories and have fun with my kids.

They are sleeping right now. Snug in their beds. And I rocked my 4 1/2 year old to sleep tonight in front of the fire and loved it. WE played in the leaves in the front yard today and I saw a ton of smiles. From everyone. That's happiness.

Pregnant Women Support Act

In a previous post, I mentioned that I would provide some summary information on the Pregnant Women Support Act. I finally had time to wade through the bill (HR6145), so here are some details.

The findings (essentially the case for why the legislation is needed) are as follows:
1) There are 1.29 million abortions annually in America.
2) 48% of all pregnancies in America are unintended. Excluding miscarriages, 54% of unintended pregnancies end in abortion.
3) 57% of women who have abortions have incomes below 200% of the poverty level.
4) "Cannot afford a baby" is the second most frequently cited reason women choose to have an abortion; 73% of women having abortions cited this reason as a contributing factor.
5) This Act is an initiative to gather more complete information about abortion, to reduce the abortion rate by helping women carry their pregnancies to term and bear healthy children, and by affirming the right of women to be fully informed about their options when they seek an abortion.
6) The initative will work to support women facing unplanned pregnancies, new parents and their children by providing comprehensive measures for health care needs, supportive services and helpful prenatal and postnatal services.

Unfortunately, the statistics presented above do not appear to be cited in any way in the document. They do seem to correspond approximately with data I found on the Guttmacher Institute website; the most recent data from the CDC is from 2002. However, the data seems to be questionable, as a Health United States report gives two figures for 2002: 854K from the CDC, and 1.29 million from the Guttmacher Institute, with the difference reportedly being that Alaska, California, and New Hampshire did nto report this data to the CDC for 2002.

Moving on, with some notable highlights...

"The Secretary shall enter into an agreement with the Institute of Medicine to study the reasons why women choose to have an abortion. The Secretary shall ensure that a report from the Institute describing the findings of the study is submitted to the Congress not later than January 10, 2010."
I'm looking forward to seeing this, although it seems like it might have been more efficient to conduct a study on why women have abortions prior to introducing legislation purporting to reduce them.

"IN GENERAL.—Health facilities that perform abortions in or affecting interstate commerce shall obtain informed consent from the pregnant woman seeking to have the abortion. Informed consent shall exist only after a woman has voluntarily completed or opted not to complete pre-abortion counseling sessions."
Informed consent is good, and one hopes it's already in place everywhere.

"Counseling sessions under subsection (a) shall include the following information: (1) The probable gestational age and characteristics of the unborn child at the time the abortion will be performed. (2) How the abortion procedure is performed. (3) Possible short-term and long-term risks and complications of the procedure to be performed. (4) Options or alternatives to abortion, including, but not limited to, adoption, and the resources available in the community to assist women choosing these options. (5) The availability of post-procedure medical services to address the risks and complications of the procedure."
Not sure what is meant by "characteristics." Otherwise, everythiing else seems like standard practice. Civil remedies will be available where informed consent was not obtained.

There are several provisions in Title IV of the bill that prohibit insurers from imposing preexisting condition exclusions on pregnancy or denying coverage on the basis of pregnancy, requires insurers to notify women about adding their newborn to their coverage, etc.

"The Secretary may make grants for the purchase of ultrasound equipment. Such ultrasound equipment shall be used by the recipients of such grants to provide, under the direction and supervision of a licensed medical physician, ultrasound examinations to pregnant women consenting to such services."
Grantees are required to be eligible for Public Health Service Act funds, offer women the option of viewing the ultrasound images, and inform women that they have the right to know the general anatomical and physiological characteristics and approximate age of the fetus. I suspect this is a way to increase funding to "crisis pregnancy centers," where the ultrasound is not really being used for medical purposes, but as a tool to steer women into making a specific choice, not necessarily their own choice.

Provides services to patients receiving Down Syndrome or other prenatal diagnosis - women should receive "scientific, and nondirective counseling" about the conditions and accuracy of tests. The purpose of this section is described as increaseing patient referrals to support services for women who have received a positive diagnosis, ensure that patients receive accurate information, and approve data availability. They would establish a phone hotline and website for patients, national and local peer-support programs, a national registry of families willing to adopt newborns with this type of condition, and establishment of a clearinghouse of information on thse conditions, and education programs for healthcare providers.
Education is good. Scientifically accurate information is good. Undue pressure to put up children for adoption is not good. Be careful there, fellows. (I just read "The Girls Who Went Away" - review coming soon)

States may obtain funding for a separate program for domsetic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking screening and treatments for pregnant women and new mothers. This would include training health professionals to identify and respond to patients experiencing abuse, and ensuring that services are provided in a "linguistically and culturally relevant manner." $4,000,000 would be authorized for appropriation for each of the fiscal years 2007-2011.

States could receive grants "to increase public awareness of resources available to pregnant women who intent to carry their pregnancy to term and to new parents." This would cover identification of resources, advertising campaigns, establishment of a hotline to direct people to support services, adoption centers, and organizations that provide support to new parents.

Grants (not to exceed $25K) to public higher education institutions (read: state colleges and universities) to assist pregnant students who intend to carry their pregnancies to term through on-campus facilities. There is also mention of grants for child care for parenting students, although the details are not entirely clear.

Grants to states for early childhood education programs (including Head Start) to work with pregnant/parenting teens to complete high school and prepare for further education.

Title XI provides for grants to homes for pregnant and parenting women. The group homes must provide upon request adoption counseling and counseling on parenting skills.

Would expand adoption credit to $15K from $10K, with increases for inflation

Authorizes appropriations to WIC of $5,388,000,000 for FY 2007, $15,000,000 of which would go for breastfeeding peer counselors, $14 million for "infrastructure" and $30 million for management information systems.

I'd like to see those last two spelled out a little better.

Grants can be made to local health departments to provide eligible mothers with free home visits by registered nurses. "Eligible" means the infant is 12 months old or less, the woman was <20yo at time of birth, and the infant is the first child of the mother.

I'm on board with all of the post-birth assistance, referral to community services, consent, education, and promotion of breastfeeding. I do think this bill does some very worthwhile things, and at least partially addresses the old argument that if you want to reduce abortions, you have to make it easier for women to have children and support them after birth. On the other hand, the folks involved with this bill have proposed it as a means to reduce abortion, and I don't see a single thing in it about comprehensive sex education (big surprise) or contraceptives. There is nothing in here that addresses preventing pregnancy in the first place. Also, I think it's good if more women are referred to appropriate community agencies, but outside of the public health and Head Start things, I don't see an increase in funding for existing providers. If they suddenly become swamped with women, will they be able to afford it, and will women receive good service? I also see that universities and schools have the option to apply for grants to help their childbearing students complete school, but I wonder how many of these institutions will have the time and resources to put such grant applications together and follow up with good programming. There is nothing automatic here, but hopefully some of the schools will apply. With regards to high school students, the language states that the money is for early childhood education programs, but is not clear on whether high schools can directly receive these funds. I also don't see much that truly makes it easier for women to afford to have a baby, because there isn't a lot of substantial funding increase for prenatal care, the actual birth, or all the expenses that come with children (especially after the first year covered by the home visits, which are education rather than medical in any care). The WIC increase is not an increase in the amount of money women can get to actually feed their children. Finally, this legislation could be read as an attempt to push women into carrying a pregnancy to term (even when there is a serious genetic defect - the language beyond Down Syndrome is very vague) and giving up the child for adoption, while it does not in any way address the psychological consequences or provide post-surrender counseling for these women. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Talk to Action also has interesting commentary on this.

Technorati Tags: Pregnant Women Support Act
MeSH Tags: Legislation; Pregnancy; Social Work

Supreme Court Abortion Case: Gonzales v Planned Parenthood

The Supreme Court is scheduled to hear arguments on Wednesday in the case of Gonzales v Planned Parenthood, regarding the question of "Whether, notwithstanding Congress's determination that a health exception was unnecessary to preserve the health of the mother, the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003 is invalid because it lacks a health exception or is otherwise unconstitutional on its face." It is related to another case, Gonzalez v Carhart.

Resources:
I'll update with a link to the arguments when available.
New York Times: The Roberts Court Takes on Abortion
Planned Parenthood: U.S. Supreme Court to Review Gonzales v Planned Parenthood
Center for Reproductive Rights
Commentary from The Well-Timed Period

Technorati Tags: abortion; dilation and extraction; Gonzalez v Planned Parenthood; Planned Parenthood; Supreme Court
MeSH Tags: Abortion, Induced/legislation and jurisprudence; Jurisprudence [for articles 1974-2002]; Supreme Court Decisions [for articles 2003-present]; "partial birth abortion" [keyword search - this is not medical terminology]

I just noticed that the NLM folks are indexing some "partial birth abortion" articles with the term "Infanticide," although it generally falls under "Abortion, Induced." Is this appropriate indexing, or a political bias? Discuss.

Note to the Foot Flushers

This NYTimes articles, Germs Never Sleep, makes a very good point in this piece on the measures people take to avoid germs:

"But some of the resulting behavior makes no sense, Mr. Sleeper said. The company’s studies have found bathroom users covering their fingers in toilet paper before flushing and using more tissue to open stall doors, even though there is almost no health reason to do so, because their next stop is the sink to wash their hands with soap and water."

Resource: The CDC's Handwashing Guidelines, just in time for flu season. When's the last time you washed your hands for a full 20 seconds, as the guidelines recommend?

Technorati Tags: germs; handwashing
MeSH Tags: Antisepsis; Fomites; Handwashing

A day late...and a dollar short.

That seems to be the story of my life. It's now November and I'm just now posting Halloween. But that not because we didn't have a great Halloween, we did! The boys LOVED it and the weather wasn't freezing and it wasn't raining or snowing. And in Michigan that's tough to do.

About a week before Halloween we carved our pumpkins. We always go to the pumpking patch and pick our own. But this year it was sleeting and raining for the two weekends prior to Halloween. So Daddy and I said screw it and took the boys to Walmart. Needless to say, they were NOT impressed. Traditions run deep around here even for a 2 and a 4 year old. Next year we are planning on trying our hand at growing our own. We shall see.

Here's the boys' pumpkins. Zachary chose his stencil all by himself. He decided he wanted a spooky alien. So I helped him put it on and we both poke holes in around the stencil. And then against my better judgement, I gave my 4 year old a little pumpkin saw. And he did it himself. (well, minus the fingers. I couldn't even do those right!)

Lucas wasn't too much into it though. He helped pick out the stencil and then sawed on some of the big chunks that daddy took out. Lucas sooo wanted to be a big boy, but just couldn't seem to grasp the concept of it, nor have the patience for it.

Then came Halloween. The boys were ecstatic. We left about 5:45 and it was a bit cold. Not freezing mind you, but enough to turn the boys' cheeks red. Zachary wanted to go home after, oh, about 7 houses. Lucas said "NO! More trick or treating!" So, onward and more candy we went. After a while, it suddenly got warmer. No lie. So we went on. Trick or treating and saying Thank You at every house. But we went about 4 houses too much. Because that's when the 2 year old meltdown occurred. Zachary was such a trooper during it...paying attention to me, staying close by as Lucas threw himself into the middle of an intersection. And when I told him to get up or I would drag him home by the ankle, he stood up and threw his light saber (that Buzz Lightyear HAD to have) down screaming. *sigh* 1 week and I'm already ready for the terrible two's to be over.

Now, we have about 4 buckets of candy and I keep getting yelled at by Chuck to leave the kids' candy alone. Come on, now, that's like telling a cow to not eat the grass she's standing in, isn't it?

Off Topic: Animal Cams

The National Zoo has multiple cameras that you let you view many of the animals from your computer. See the complete list and select the exhibit you'd like to watch; so far, I've been watching pandas and cheetahs and giraffes, oh my! The resolution can be kind of poor, but I happened to catch them feeding a tiger cub. Very cool.

On a related note, check out this recording of a Florida panther from All Things Considered.

Technorati Tags: animals; National Zoo; webcams
MeSH Tags: Animals, Zoo

About Me, My Blog

Since David full on outed me (although you could have put it together, and I do have a picture up), the time has come for an About the Author post.

About Me:
I'm a medical librarian. I have a graduate degree in library and information science (MLIS) from the University of Pittsburgh, where I focused on medical librarianship. I currently work in a prominent academic medical center library, where I was promoted from the paraprofessional ranks and am now a Library Fellow (I worked there while obtaining my degree). I serve as Editorial Assistant for the Journal of the Medical Library Association and handle clinical questions for medical center. I have also worked with our digital library, budget, weeding, our management contract of another medical library, proposal-writing, reference and circulation, web updates, staff training, job candidate screening and interviews, and other projects.

Previously, I worked as Program Assistant and then Communications Coordinator for a non-profit organization focused on promoting renewable energy and energy efficiency. We also worked on mitigating the health effects of dirty power sources. I handled technical problems, website management, database management (10K+ records in a Filemaker Pro database I periodically customized), distribution of emails, faxes, and press releases to donors, members, and activists, politicians, and news outlets, and served as co-editor of the quarterly newsletter. On occassion, I did public outreach at events. See how that ties in to librarianship?

Prior to my graduation from Oberlin College (where I was a geology major), I worked as a Student Assistant and then Student Manager of the Oberlin College Science Library. I received a Metcalf Award for outstanding library service. As a result, I have a lifetime membership to the Friends of the Oberlin College Library. Also while at Oberlin, I took an EXCO course entitled, "Menstrual Health and Politics."

Why Women's Health?:
I like technology, and wanted to play around with blogging. I had (and still have) an interest in women's health, and at the time was taking a course [#326] in Vanderbilt's graduate nursing program on women's health issues. (As a project for this course, two colleagues and I created an online tutorial for nursing students on how to search popular databases for women's health literature.) I knew I needed a focus, and focusing on a health topic is a good continuing education exercise for me. I think a lot of women are underinformed about their bodies, their health, and the policies affecting their health choices, and I hope to use this blog to provide a source of information about those topics.

The Comments Policy:
Comments are expected to be civil. They are also expect not to be spam. If you post a glowing comment about how awesome my blog is, but link to your internet drug site or other venture, it will be deleted. All comments are subject to deletion at my discretion. I don't delete them just because I personally find the argument offensive, but may for any other reason.

Can I Send You My Film, Book, or Other Material to Review?
Please do, but send me an email first so I can give you my address. The item should be women's health, general health, healthcare policy, or otherwise related to the content of this blog. I will not guarantee that the review will be positive, or even posted, and all reviews will mention that the item was provided for review (as opposed to found to be of interest by me independently).

Can I Link to You?:
Yes. Without reservation. I think attempts to prevent links or deep-linking are intellectually dishonest and a hindrance to the benefits of online media.

What's With the Ads?:
Librarianship doesn't pay a lot. The ads pay even less. I do block some advertisers if I have a personal issue with their content or the product or persons they represent. Thus far, I have blocked ads for an infant formula maker, censorware (website blocking technology), a diet pill site, and a conservative book club. I do not vouch for the usefulness or even accuracy of the material presented behind the ad links.

A Final Note:
The opinions expressed here do not represent those of my employer. This blog is my work, independent of my actual paying job, and it is my responsibility alone.

Technorati Tags: about; blogs; librarians; medical librarians; women's health
MeSH Tags: Librarians; Libraries, Medical

New Studies, Health News, and Your Government in Action

FDA offers buying, storage, and preparation tips for reducing your risk of foodborne illness from fresh produce

Danish study finds HPV test better that Pap for women >40yo. The study is: Kjaer S, Hogdall E, Frederiksen K, Munk C, van den Brule A, Svare E, Meijer C, Lorincz A, Iftner T. The absolute risk of cervical abnormalities in high-risk human papillomavirus positive, cytologically normal women over a 10-year period. Cancer Res. 2006 Nov 1;66(21):10630-6. [Abstract]
This prospective cohort study was conducted in ~10,000 Danish women who were available for both initial examination and follow-up examination via Pap test and cervical swab for HPV detection. The women were divided into two groups, the younger group (n=7,219) and the older group (n=2,200). Denmark has a personal identification system and pathology data bank that allowed the researchers to track cervical cytology in the study population. From the authors:
"Results from this prospective cohort study with a long-term follow-up of women from the general population through the routine screening system showed that among women 40 to 50 years old, who were cytologically negative with a concurrent positive HPV DNA test (high-risk types), nearly 25% developed cytologic abnormalities (atypia) within 5 years, and after 10 years, more than 35% had had an abnormal Pap test. These risk estimates were higher than those observed among women with both negative cytology and negative HPV DNA test (high-risk types), which were as low as 4% and 10% after 5 and 10 years, respectively. Also among younger HPV-positive women (22-32 years old at enrollment), we found a high absolute risk of subsequent cervical abnormalities (atypia), 18% after 5 years and 24% after 10 years, and a low risk among HPV-negative women, 5% after 5 years."

Feministing has a summary of the latest government vs sex education brouhaha.

The Kaiser Network's Women's Health Policy Daily Update brings us this info:

CDC To Add HPV Vaccine Gardasil to Subsidized Immunization Program for Children - this means the vaccine should be available at "no-cost immunizations to children ages nine to 18 covered by Medicaid, Alaska Native and American Indian children, and some uninsured and underinsured children."

Kansas AG Kline Receives Late-Term Abortion Records

Millions of Women Worldwide Have Unsafe Abortions, Lack Access to Family Planning, Lancet Series Says

Endometriosis Diagnosis, Treatment Increasing for Young Women

Federal Guidelines Expand Scope of Abstinence Education Funds To Include People up to Age 29 - "According to Wade Horn, HHS assistant secretary for children and families, the revised guidelines for 2007 are aimed at people ages 19 to 29 because recent data show that more unmarried women in that age group are having children." The program in question requires that contraception not be discussed, and the teaching that sex within marriage is the expected behavior. Is it really the best idea public health-wise to try to keep 20-somethings (i.e., adults) ignorant about contraception and infection-prevention? Is a 29-year-old woman having a child outside of marriage really among the important things we're facing as a nation? Does it really promote the general welfare? Or is it just about the [perceived] ickiness of adult women having sex and sexual freedom, and making their own life-choices?

Our government wants to make it more difficult for the U.S.-born children (i.e., citizens) of immigrants to get healthcare, by requiring further proof of citizenship before receiving Medicaid. Critics think the parents may be reluctant to jump through the hoops for fear of deportation. This seems like the time to introduce my device for remembering which is Medicaid and Medicare: "We aid the poor, but we care for the elderly."

Technorati Tags: abortion; abstinence; cervical cancer; endometriosis; foodborne illness; HPV test; medicaid; pap test; sex ed; Sex Education
MeSH Tags: Abortion, Induced/legislation and jurisprudence; Endometriosis; Food Poisoning; Medicaid; Papillomavirus, Human; Sex Education; Sexual Abstinence; Uterine Cervical Neoplasms; Vaginal Smears