Chaos I tell ya! But dang I have cute kids!

I’ve been missing. Not just from blog land but from myself too. Things have been crazy and I’ve been bitchy. Those two things don’t really coincide very well and it doesn’t make me in the mood to be blogging. I’ve found I have to be in the right mood to write. Otherwise, it becomes a chore for me and the posts become “forced”. I’ve been informed that that is exactly what happened with my last post, and I don’t feel it was my best letter either. I still have 2 more letters to write. One to Zachary and one to Elizabeth and I will because I like the idea of commemorating each year of their life with a letter from mom to put in their baby books; but I need to be in the mood to do it so I can express all I want to express eloquently.

So why have things been crazy and I’ve been bitchy? Well, we had 5 birthdays within 2 weeks. My birthday is April 28, Luke is May 1, my Dad is May 3, Zachary is May 9 and Elizabeth is May 11. During that time we have one huge birthday party plus Mother’s Day. This year we also had a field trip to the zoo for Zachary’s school.

So for those 2 weeks, I worked a modified schedule. What’s that mean? Well, that means I get virtually NO sleep. Really. I work four 10 hour shifts from 4:30 pm to 3:00 am. Get home and asleep by 4. Up to get the kids off to school by 7:30 at the latest. And since it’s filled with errands and stuff to get ready for the birthday party, usually no naps.

No sleep=bitchy mommy.
(I’m sorry Chuck.)

So, why do I do this to myself? Because we only have one party for all the kids, we want to make sure that THEIR day is special to them. So, I take the evening off of each child's birthday every year so that they can do things that they want to do. Like go to Toys R Us to pick out their birthday toy and choose the sit-down restaurant that they want to go to. Growing up, I always shared a birthday party with my dad, but MY day was MY day. I want to make sure that the kids get to feel special on their birthdays like I did.

So, that being said, we had a birthday party. A big birthday party that was wonderful and completely chaotic at the same time.

Wonderful because we have only one party and I get to make it a big one because well, there is only one! Wonderful because you have three times the fun. Three times the excitement and anticipation. Three times the squeals of delight and the exclamation of “OH! That’s just what I’ve always wanted!” Even though they may have never laid eyes on it before.

However…..

It’s complete chaos! Have you ever tried to have 3 kids’ friends and family together? It’s a lot of kids! And then amidst all that we have 3 kids opening gifts at the same time. It’s a lot of gifts, a lot of wrapping paper, a lot of bags, a lot of noise, and a lot of confusion. Well, confusion for mom and dad anyways. It’s very difficult to keep who got what and from whom straight.

But after all is said and done we survived. Exhausted and seriously ready for a beer after the kids’ bedtimes but we survived (The need for beer was not a direct result from the kids: more along the lines of inconsiderate, rude, mean, irreprehensible bitch party guest that happens to be family. Ugh)

So, without further ado, I present my birthday children. Well, their cakes anyway. I'm VERY proud of Elizabeth's cake. It was my first cake that I decorated all by myself. Without cheating and using the store bought decorations anyway. I love how it turned out and it matched her invitations and her dress. Not that anybody but me noticed ;)

My mom usually makes the cakes for the kids, and true to form, she did again make the boys cakes. She knew it was kinda important for me to make the 1st birthday cake, but she make each of the boys. I was super impressed with how it turned out and the boys were so excited to have Spongebob!!

Zachary sporting his "6" crown that we made from posterboard. Do you have any idea how easy it is to find princess crowns but difficult to find king crowns? The boys were excited with their homemade-by-them crowns regardless.

Lucas in all his 4 year old glory. Getting a good picture from him anymore is like pulling teeth. I think the only reason he looks happy in this picture is because he was finally (Ghod, MOM!) able to eat his cake!The birthday kids together. Elizabeth didn't really know what to think of the candle.She did, however, know what to think of the cake. And she thought, no KNEW, she liked it. Miss E wasn't a very happy camper when I took her chocolate away from her. It must be in the genes she got from her daddy.

So, that's it for yet another year. Whew. I'm glad it only happens once a year.

Happy Birthday Lucas

Dear Lucas,

4 years and 9 months ago, I had a dream.

The Leibrand family then consisted of Mommy, Daddy and Zachary who was about 1 ½ at the time. On vacation in Wisconsin, Mommy had “the dream”. The dream that told me truer than a pregnancy test could that I was pregnant with another baby. You. Daddy, of course, didn’t believe me, but I knew it.

Two weeks go by and we got the positive test that confirmed my belief. We were expecting another child to add love to our family. (age in pic...16 months)

Over the last 4 years (Wait! FOUR years? How did you become four years old?) you’ve grown into an amazing, bright, vibrant, charismatic boy. You’ve enhanced our family. You bring laughter and joy and love to our family every day; sometimes in small ways and sometimes in a way that bring a giant belly laugh to all those around you. You, Lucas Michael, have a gift. A gift of laughter. A gift to touch those around and make them laugh and appreciate the life they’ve been given. That’s a very important thing; one I’m repeatedly thankful for.

Over the last year you have grown up so much. You started preschool at your 3rd birthday and went to school for the summer with your big brother. The teachers all told me that you were a quiet boy who was a bit of a follower, but you followed directions very well and tried to get along with the others. Then Zachary went onto kindy and you were alone at the preschool. You blossomed there. You made friends. You became your own identity at school. And on the way home from preschool every day for the last 8 months you talk non-stop about everything you learned, heard, and did. You are so incredibly smart. Sometimes it surprises us when you come out with some fact that we're SURE you couldn't possibly know...and yet you do. For 2 months we have heard all about the planets "Did you know that the sun is a star? And that the Earth moves around the sun? And Pluto is the coldest planet because it's the farthest from the sun?"

But, it doesn't end there. You pick up things every where. I remember being in the store with you a few months ago and you picking out the letters of your name off the formula can that you were carrying. I went to school and let them know you could start learning your last name...which you have now. Along with your birthdate, our phone number, the list goes on.

I know we've had a rough year, buddy. You've been usurped as the baby in our family and I know that some of the issues we've been having the last few months is a bit of the "middle child syndrome" coming out. I understand. I remember. I promise to make some special time for just you and I so you can see how truely special you are to me. And what an incredibly important role you play, just by being you!, in our family.

I love you little man,

Momma.

Happy Birthday to me!

So, today is my 31st birthday. My dad called me this morning and asked if I felt any older. YES! was my emphatic reply. I went out on Saturday night for a friend's bachelorette party and 4 beers and some (okay 10) jello shots later and I was smashed with a killer hangover on Sunday. ALL. DAY. LONG.

It started as a hangover and after sitting at the planetarium with my kids and husband and seeing them spin the stars around faster and faster, and making me want to puke, it turned into a migraine. Which made me want to puke.

I'm too old to do that folks.

So, we move onto today. My birthday. I love my birthday. I'm seriously like a small child counting the days until my birthday. Now, I just do it in my head instead of on paper and tell everyone. But, that ticker is there because it's MY. DAY.

I got my tattoo from my husband for my birthday. Well, probably more correctly is I got a tattoo from me for my birthday and told Chuck not to buy me anything else since it was so expensive.

But, that doesn't mean that I don't want to CELEBRATE my birthday. So, yesterday, when he asks "Do I still have to get you a card and SAY happy birthday tomorrow?" I was a little pissy. And today, when nothing (beyond an e-card) is said...and nothing is done when he comes home to remind the kids to tell me happy birthday and nothing is said about small little gifts from my kids to me or a cake or nothing. I was hurt. Depressed. The weight of the world on my shoulders. I know, I acted like a child, but like I said, I love birthdays.

But, just for the record, I'm a huge BIATCH.

How could I think that my husband, whom I know loves me dearly, could forget me is beyond me. But I was sure he had, so I sulked around for an hour till I had to go to work. Again, childish for sure. I'm not saying I'm proud of my behavior.

But, at 7:00 pm when the staff at my work threw me a little party with cake and ice cream who shows up with flowers from Elizabeth, a massager from Luke and a framed piece of Zachary's artwork and all 3 kids but my husband. With chinese for dinner for me.

*smooches* I heart my husband. Seriously. Truly. Love this man.

Beware. Rants ahead. And a couple bright spots.

Ugh. I promised Chuck I would blog on my bad days instead of unload it all on him. So here's my unloading on the unsuspecting internet.

First, I started my period for the first time in a couple months. I feel like I'm back in freaking high school with the EXTREME irritability, cramping, back ache, bloating. Ick. Seriously, it's no wonder my parents said I was a complete bitch during high school during my periods. I hate me right now. Plus, I want to eat EVERYTHING in sight. Normally, I have to work to get in 1600 or 1700 calories a day. Yesterday I was easily pushing 2300. Not good for the weight loss.

So, I stayed home from work yesterday. Good thing too as Elizabeth woke up at about 11:50 or so puking her little guts out. Poor thing. She wouldn't even really wake up, just puke and go back to sleep. So her and I dozed in the chair for about 3 hours until she was mostly done being sick. She has a bit of a fever but hasn't thrown up since 3:30 am so I hope we're all done with that mess.

This morning Zachary had a dentist appt for a couple of fillings. So, I go to his school to pick him up, he's in the gym, so I have to walk down there. no biggie...still have some time...then remember I didn't give him his meds. So, we go back home, get his meds and give them to him. It is now 10:28 and we're supposed to be at the dentist at 10:30. Not going to make it. But oh, well, we head out anyway. On the way there, we are stopped by the police. Ugh! Are you kidding me? And I hate it when they ask "where are you going in such a hurry?" Does it matter?!? Are you not going to give me a ticket if I answer correctly?? (FYI: I must have answered correctly because, miraculously, no ticket today! Bright Spot #1)

Get to the dentist and the woman was like "um, you are 1/2 hour late. I don't think the dr. will see you." Okay, I'm kinda pissed now. I just got stopped by the cops which made me even later, but not only that but the last time that Chuck was there, they left him waiting in the waiting room until they were freaking CLOSED and then were like "oh! Sorry, we totally forgot about you. You'll have to reschedule." So, if it's your fault, they reschedule you, if it their fault they reschedule you. I'm so changing dental insurances when it comes time. They seriously suck. So, now we don't have an appt until May 20.

On the way home, 2 people cut me off and an old lady in a grandma mobile slams on her brakes right in front of me. I scream some obscenities (yes, not my most shining moment in front of the children, I'm sure) which she doesn't hear and probably couldn't if I was right next to her anyway.

Also, I saw no less than 3 houses through my drive this morning with fake flowers ALL OVER the outside of their house. WTF is up with that? Seriously? It looks nasty and they are FAKE! Outside! This one house had them intertwined through the posts of their front porch, attached to the house itself and planted everywhere in planters. Eww.

Zachary, Elizabeth and I stopped at a flea market too on the way home since we had so much time considering we didn't see the dr. Zachary found a tape player/recorder he wanted but when she opened it up to show us it played the inside was all rusted out and one of the springs fell off the battery compartment. She was then like "well, I'll sell it to you for $1". No. Thanks. It won't work with the battery compartment like that!! I did however buy a nice, more compact stroller with shade for $10 so that's my deal for the day. I can now sell my big one. (Bright spot #2)

The Schwans man just came (Bright spot #3). I love the Schwans man. I held off from buying the 1/2 gallon of ice cream but I did buy some LiveSmart whole wheat crust BBQ chicken pizzas. They sounded good. Maybe I'll have one for lunch. I'm off to do just that.

Internet Porn

So, a friend went to see Avenue Q.

Apparently a song reminder her of me. I'm really clueless as to why.



Huh.

Eating Problems and Children

Chuck and I are trying to start eating better.

The short term goal is to lose some weight, but ultimately the reason for this is to be healthy. Healthy enough that we are able to see our kids give us grandkids and watch those grandkids play and grow up. Possibly have kids of their own.

In doing that, we are counting calories and other macro-nutrients to try to be inline with what is recommended.

And I want the same for my kids. To be healthy. To live healthy.

Tricky thing, that is, because I do NOT want to be the diet nazi. I don’t want my kids afraid to eat things in front of me and take to hiding to eat. I don’t want my kids to gorge themselves on snacks when they are allowed them because they never get them. I don’t want my children growing up with the notion to eat past the point of fullness because we made them clean their plate. I don’t want them to have self-image issues because mom and dad were obsessed with how we looked and constantly discussing “dieting” or “calories”. I don’t want them tying rewards to food or emotions to food.

Why do I know about all those things. Because that’s EXACTLY how I was raised. Those are the issues I have with eating.

And yet, we run into issues. So how do we handle those issues?

Part of the problem is we’ve been lenient with “treats” in the last year. Daddy would go to the store daily for his afternoon Mt. Dew and bring something home for the kids. Usually a Little Debbie or sometimes a candy bar. So, now the kids expect that and throw a gigantic fit if they don’t get it every day. They ask “if we be good, can we”? That goes against everything I believe in. You don’t get food for being good. You get food to live.

Part of the issue is that Zachary is “starving” every night for dinner and bugs constantly, yet doesn’t eat when food is put in front of him and that’s wasteful. I want him to understand that he needs to eat what he asks for. But how to do that without making him clean his plate and eating when he’s not truly hungry? And how do we handle the bedtime “I’m starving” pleas? My suggestion tonight was to allow him to start dishing his own food from the options that are for dinner. Then he needs to eat that food before he gets more. And if not, he can put his plate in the fridge and eat it later. Afterall, some people can’t eat a lot at one time. So, how do we know when he’s hungry at bedtime or when he’s manipulating us? How many times do we tell him to eat his leftovers before it borders on insanity?

I wish that kids came with child-specific instruction manuals.

I feel.....more.

I waited for 12 years to do this.

I waited for 12 years to know exactly what was right for me. What was perfect and represented me.

Afterall, I didn't want Tweety Bird tattooed on my ass forever. That's not who I am.

But, this. This is perfect for me. It's beautiful and elegant and explains a huge part of who I am.

And I love it.

I got it done on Saturday for my 31st birthday (at the end of the month). It took about 45-50 minutes to do it and it wasn't bad painways except over the spine. That caused a bit of discomfort but I still lived through it.

It's a Celtic Motherhood knot and in traditional celtic knotwork the children are represented by dots inside the knot. I changed that a bit to be hearts...one heart in emerald green for each of my May babies.

I didn't get the piercing...yet. I asked about it but we were on a tight time table so I didn't. Soon though. Especially after the tattoo and the pain/discomfort associated with it. I told Chuck that I like the pain. I like the reminder that it's there. He laughed and said these are the times he's glad he married me. I guess being a pain junky has its advantages.

I've heard that tattoos are addicting and I can see it. The adrenaline rush was amazing. On the way home, I was already thinking what I could get for my next one. But, considering it took 12 years to decide on this...it might take me a while.